I try not to put too much stock in what any person says or believes, famous or otherwise, and do my best to form my beliefs based on my biblical research of a topic and wisdom from God on the matter. Notice, I said try.

Keeping that in mind, please forgive my hypocrisy a moment as I gush unabashedly about how much I love C.S. Lewis! Well, obviously I never knew him personally, so I suppose I just love his writings, but I feel like he gets me and explains complex things in a way I can understand.

His sense of humor and masterful way with words keep me thoroughly engaged in what I’m reading and force me to reread each sentence because it is so thought-provoking. One of his works in particular helped me put words to my abstract thoughts about what it is like to suddenly become aware that I am in the presence of God and experiencing a foretaste of the fullness of joy.

In his 1943 epistolary novel, The Screwtape Letters, Lewis (through his diabolical narrator, Screwtape) describes the presence of God as an “asphyxiating cloud.”¹ Does that sound dreadful to you? Well, fear not! You’re not the one being suffocated.

No, this is the place where distraction from your awareness of God’s presence gets the life choked out of it! It’s where you’re lovingly enveloped by Him and “the things of earth grow strangely dim”² as the old hymn says. That’s the place I want to be!

How do we get there? I don’t have a formula; it’s by the beautiful grace of God. However, I do think that we can see patterns of where and how that experience happens most frequently for us and leave more room for it in our lives.

Music is one of my go-to means of inviting an atmosphere of awareness to God’s presence and suffocating the noisy thoughts in my mind. Just recently, I was listening to a song called “I Was Made” by Christian singer-songwriter Rebecca Chase (who happens to be my amazingly talented niece), and the words she penned poured out of my speakers, straight to my soul!

“Bones, tired/ Your mind’s worn out/Chasing every dream and doubt.”

Those words hit me in the heart and overwhelmed all nagging thoughts. Why such a profound impact? I have heard and enjoyed this song countless times, so what happened?

God whispered to me through those words at that moment and shut out all other distractions. What did I sense him saying? I’m paraphrasing here, but this was the gist: “You’re tired because you’re trying to figure it all out.“

He had my attention!

I listened intently to each lyric as the song continued and was again stunned when the song reached the following lines in the chorus:

“I was made for knowing/ That knowing isn’t all.”

Through those lines, I sensed my Heavenly Father lovingly say, “You’re not meant to figure it all out.“

Wow!

Why did I need to hear these words and His whisper so desperately? Well, it was because I had fallen prey to exactly what I stated earlier that I try to avoid—placing too much importance on others’ opinions.

A few weeks prior to this “asphyxiating cloud” moment, I had been somewhat obsessively researching certain doctrinal issues because of a situation in which my understanding of these matters was indirectly challenged. Instead of arguing my viewpoint, I wanted to make sure that my beliefs truly are rooted in the Bible and not just ideas I have slowly come to accept over time.

Through my research, I had become overwhelmed with the reality that Christians are utterly divided in their interpretation of Scripture. From the most well-respected scholars to the everyday folks spouting their thoughts on social media, brothers and sisters in Christ just can’t seem to agree. Each side seems fully convinced of their held positions and can use Scripture to support them.

I had allowed this awareness to make me disheartened and confused. I hadn’t involved myself in any debates outwardly, but internally, I was battling my own insecurities:

Why do I believe what I believe about this or that issue? Is what I believe aligned with God’s Word? Would this person or that person think I’m not a good Christian because I disagree with his or her stance?

I think it’s valuable and necessary to know what we believe and why we believe it—not so that we can argue with others by any means—but for the purpose of knowing we are aligning our lives with Christ and not following human ideas. However, when we are faced with comprehending the mystery of the gospel and God’s ways (that are higher than our ways), I think humility and wonder serve us well. Faith surpasses knowledge. “Knowing isn’t all.”

God reminded me that day of Psalm 19:7-8:

The law of the Lord is perfect, refreshing the soul.

The statutes of the Lord are trustworthy, making wise the simple.

The precepts of the Lord are right, giving joy to the heart. (NIV)

I may be simple, and I certainly do not have all the answers, but no other mere human does either. I want to focus on the One we can agree on: Jesus, the Savior. Time spent in pursuit of His presence is never in vain, but our striving to figure out logically and deductively the mystery of the gospel can certainly be.

Without the gracious intervention of God, I might be inclined to remain stuck in a cycle of debating non-essential issues in my heart, allowing them to distract me and rob me of the joy of my salvation. I might have let human arguments blind me from what truly matters.

I will continue to study and pray for as long as I live on this earth, but not in the same state of frenzy for answers. My salvation does not hinge on my agreement with doctrine held by men. I need to keep my eyes on Jesus. I want to spend more time in His “asphyxiating cloud.”

Can you think of a moment that God surrounded you with His presence and choked out the thoughts that were distracting you from Him? I’d love to hear about it!

_{1 Lewis, C.S. The Screwtape Letters. The Macmillan Company. New York, 1962 edition.}

_{2 “Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus” was written by Helen H. Lemmel in 1922 and is Public Domain.}